i am scared

i sit 
front row
in the front
'cause I’d like to sit anywhere
but not here.
i leave
and I travel around the world
because I’d like to travel with everyone
but not with me.
i raise my hand
because I don’t want to say anything. 
i step up
every time I’d like to step back.
i do
whenever I’d like not to.
i jump 
because I don’t want to fall.
i always do
quite the opposite
of what I’d like to do.
i always do 
the thing I’m afraid of.
hoping one day I won’t be

i stand up and read this poem
because I'd never want anyone to know
that I am